How to Embrace being Single: My Guide to Thrive.

How to Embrace the Gift of Solitude: A Guide to Thriving While Single

an honest take after lots of heartache and snotty tissues later…

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By Tanya Jayne

Growing up, I was fed the classic fairy tale: prince charming, happily ever after, the whole shebang. But my reality was far from Disney. My childhood was a masterclass in dysfunctional relationships, teaching me what not to look for in love. By 19, I was married, thinking I’d found my “happily ever after,” only to find myself repeating the same toxic patterns. That’s when I realized: being single wasn’t a punishment; it was an opportunity. As a mindset and relationship coach, I’ve learned that true fulfillment comes from within. This guide is about how to embrace that solitude, transform it, and build a life you truly love, regardless of your relationship status.

1. Acknowledge and Release Societal Pressures:

• Recognise the narrative: Understand that society often equates singlehood with loneliness and incompleteness.
• Challenge the expectations: Question these beliefs and remind yourself that your worth is not defined by your relationship status.
• Create your own definition: Define what “single” means to you, focusing on the positive aspects like freedom and self-discovery.

2. Break Free from Past Relationship Patterns:

• Reflect on past relationships: Identify recurring patterns and behaviors that no longer serve you.
• Cut the emotional cords: Practice techniques like visualization or meditation to release lingering attachments.
• Learn from your experiences: View past relationships as lessons, not failures, and use them to gain clarity on your needs.

3. Invest in Self-Discovery:

• Explore your passions: Rediscover old hobbies or try new activities that bring you joy.
• Set personal goals: Focus on achieving milestones in your career, health, or personal development.
• Journal your journey: Document your thoughts, feelings, and insights to gain a deeper understanding of yourself.

4. Cultivate Emotional Maturity:

• Practice self-awareness: Pay attention to your emotional responses and triggers.
• Develop healthy coping mechanisms: Learn to manage stress and negative emotions in constructive ways.
• Set boundaries: Define your limits and communicate them assertively to protect your well-being.

5. Create Your Ideal Partner List (for clarity, not a demand):

• Visualize your ideal relationship: Instead of focusing on a person, focus on how you want to feel in a relationship.
• List your non-negotiables: Identify the core values and qualities that are essential to you.
• Let it go: Once you have clarity, release the need to control the outcome and trust that the right person will align with your vision.

6. Embrace Solitude as a Gift:

• Schedule “me time”: Dedicate time each day or week for self-care and relaxation.
• Practice mindfulness: Be present in the moment and appreciate the simple joys of life.
• Find joy in your own company: Learn to enjoy spending time alone and cultivate a sense of inner peace.

7. Build a Supportive Community:

• Nurture existing friendships: Strengthen your bonds with friends and family.
• Join groups or communities: Connect with like-minded individuals who share your interests.
• Seek professional support: Consider working with a coach or therapist to support your personal growth.

8. Live Your Life Fully:

• Adventure and explore: Travel, try new things, and step outside your comfort zone.
• Focus on your well-being: Prioritize your physical and mental health.

Create a life you love: Build a life that is fulfilling and meaningful, regardless of your relationship status.

Being single is not a waiting room; it’s an opportunity to create a life you love. It’s a chance to rewrite the narratives we’ve been given, to break free from old patterns, and to discover our authentic selves. I know how lonely being single can feel, I have been there. By embracing solitude, investing in self-discovery, and cultivating emotional maturity, you can transform your single season into a period of profound growth and empowerment. It’s about finding strength in your own company, and building a foundation that allows you to attract a partner who enhances, rather than completes, your life. Remember, the best things often come from those times of perceived loneliness. It’s in those moments that we truly learn who we are and what we’re capable of.

Try reading my guide on 100-ways to be kind to yourself for more ideas on overcoming loneliness and ways to show yourself some self-love.